How To Write Wedding Vows That Say It Right
Weddings by AR Photography.
Written by Tab Taylor - Say It Right Ceremonies
Of course you love your person and they know that. But how can you say it in a way that is worthy of the wonderful wedding day you’re planning? Follow these simple steps and you’ll have your partner laughing, crying and deeply understanding what this whole marriage thing means!
Preparation
The best way to prepare is to be thinking about your vows in the background while you’re planning your wedding. Have a note in your phone or on paper that you can just add to whenever you think of something. Maybe your partner just brought you a little snack without you asking and it makes you fall in love with them just a little bit more - write it down! Or maybe you see something on the tube that makes you think of them - write it down! Or maybe one of your friends remarks on how you’re a great fit for each other - write it down! The more you write things down, the more the ideas will come and then when you sit down to actually formulate your vows, they’ll basically already be there.
Getting in the zone
What does marriage mean to you? This is something I ask my couples when preparing for their wedding ceremony and it’s a great way to get into the zone, thinking past the wedding day and ahead to your long and happy marriage. You’re binding yourself to someone for the rest of your life - why? Be honest with yourself about what that means and why you want to do it, why other people might do it. This often helps you think about what type of spouse you want to be, which is a great starting point for those vows and promises.
Structure
Chloe Mary Photography.
There isn’t really a right or wrong structure for how wedding vows should go, but one thing to remember is that they are supposed to be promises about what you will do and how you will be in your marriage. It’s lovely to include anecdotes and stories illustrating how right you are for each other and how much you love your person, but remember, it is not so much a speech as a set of intentions.
The blank page can be frightening when you do come to write out your vows, so you could start with a loose structure such as this:
Something you love about the person: ‘I love you because…’
A vow for your marriage: ‘I promise to…’
How your marriage will be: ‘This means that…
For example:
Your smile lights up the room and fills my heart with joy.
I promise to do everything I can to make you smile every day,
so that even on darker days, we will have some light.
Make it personal
If you’ve chosen to write your own personal vows, you’re going to want to make them specific to your person. This might then mean they include private jokes, silly stories and tender moments you’ve shared alone together. Remember that your vows are for your partner. Yes, your guests might also be listening, but you don’t need to explain anything to them - your partner knows what you’re on about and that’s all that matters. Here is a line from my wedding vows which might have seemed a little random to guests, but my spouse knew exactly what I was talking about: “I want to spend every day waking up to your elbow in my face because you’re so satisfied and relaxed in life that you sleep like a cartoon character having a nap. I vow to see things in your optimism and be as cheerful and bright as you are everyday.”
Include words you love
Another way to make your vows more personal is to include lines or phrases that resonate with you. Some people choose to include quotations from books, poems, films, TV shows, songs or speeches that capture how you feel in an eloquent way. This can be done explicitly by introducing the quote e.g. Mary Savage once said “Mankind should hope, in wedlock’s state. A friend to find as well as mate.” Or you can include these implicitly by simply weaving it into what you want to say. One couple I worked with dropped in phrases from some of their favourite songs and challenged each other to see how many they had included! Borrowing from songs and poems is also a great way for those less confident with words to bring some creative embellishment which best articulates the way you feel.
Carj Studio Photography.
How long should they be?
Again, there are no rules! However, it’s nice to vaguely mirror each other. You could let your partner know a word count to stick to, or maybe something looser like 3 promises each. Of course, they don’t need to mirror each other, but having an idea of how similar or different each of yours will be can help prepare you for the day. When I work with couples, I usually read both their vows in advance just to check that length, tone and sentiment are similar. Sometimes the two sets of vows do differ in length, which is absolutely fine, but it’s nice for couples to know this in advance. For one couple I worked with, their vows were quite different lengths but they felt this worked since only one of them was going to do a speech later on. It’s good to remember as well, sometimes shorter is better; as Blaise Pascal said “If I had more time, I would have written a shorter letter.”
The main thing to remember is that your vows should come from the heart and sound like you. After all, you’re who your partner wants to marry!
If you want a Celebrant who can guide you through the process…
From helping couples untangle their thoughts to delivering ceremonies that feel effortless, warm, and deeply personal, Tab Taylor brings the same calm, thoughtful, people-first approach to every moment that matters. Through Say It Right Ceremonies, the focus is never on scripts or templates, but on creating something that genuinely sounds like you. If you want a wedding ceremony that feels natural, meaningful, and completely authentic — not formal, stiff, or generic — this is exactly the kind of celebrant energy to look for.
You’ll find Tab listed in the Celebrants category of our Book Of Love Directory.
