How to Write Your Own Wedding Vows Without Sounding Like a Greetings Card

Photos by Joanna Bongard

Writing your own wedding vows is one of those things that sounds lovely right up until you until you try to stat. How does anyone say what they want to say without sounding like mash up of all the Valentine’s cards you’ve ever received?!

Enter Arabella Wilde — celebrant, professional words-whisperer, and one of the brilliant humans exhibiting at Make New Traditions: Live this October. Arabella shares her wisdom on how to write your own vows, and the good news is: you don't need to be a writer. You just need a starting point.

Writing Your Wedding Vows, by Arabella Wilde

More and more couples are choosing to write their own wedding vows. It's just another aspect of a celebrant-led wedding that makes the day more personal and intimate.

But it also feels overwhelming… such a big task, especially if you don't think you're a natural writer.

I always offer guidance, and it's incredible how few couples actually need me once they get started. I always ask my couples to send me their vows separately so that they're a surprise on the day for the other person — and 95% of the time they align. A good sign!

Here are a few suggestions to get you started:

Talk to one another before you start

While your vows are going to be a surprise on the day, it's worth talking about what style and length you'll go for. Will they be serious and from the heart, or will you include some humour too? It's a good idea to agree on a word count so one of you doesn't ramble on while the other has 50 words in bullet form. You only want them to be a minute or two long — that's about 300 words.

Go with your heart

These are the promises you're making to one another that you plan to uphold for the rest of your lives. They apply through good times and difficult times, and this is an opportunity to tell your loved one that you'll be there for them, no matter what.

Make it unique to you

Think about things that are unique to you both. Has one of you been through a particularly difficult time? Do you love a specific activity or hobby together? Mention them, even if vaguely.

Tell your loved one how much you love them, why you love them, and what they mean to you. How they've changed your life, helped you grow.

Make promises, not platitudes

Think: I will adore you. I will cherish you. I will always be beside you. Vows are about commitment, so make promises and try not to be generic. Specific, personal promises make the vows uniquely yours.

Structure it simply

Consider an opener touching on the significance of the day and your love. For example: "Today, surrounded by the people we love, I feel grateful for the joy you bring into my life. This day marks the start of a lifetime together, and I want to make promises that honour our love."

Follow with a few personal vows (3–5 max), then a closing statement — a heartfelt conclusion about your future together.

End with something strong

For example: "No matter what life brings, I choose you — today, tomorrow and forever."

Sound like YOU

This one seems obvious, but make sure your words sound like you. While a bit of ChatGPT is helpful, get rid of any words or phrases you'd never use in real life.

Use your celebrant

Use them as a sounding board. If you send both sets of vows to your celebrant, they can make sure they're aligned.

Every couple is — and should be — different, which means style and format will vary. There are no rules when it comes to writing your vows. They should be an expression of who you are and how you feel.

Want to meet Arabella in real life?

She'll be at Make New Traditions: Live on 4 October 2026 at Kachette, Shoreditch — alongside a selection of the UK's best independent wedding suppliers, all hand-picked by us. If you're planning a celebrant-led wedding (or just want to find your people), this is where you start.

You can find more about Arabella in the Book of Love — our curated directory of suppliers we'd genuinely book ourselves.