No One Tells You This About Being Engaged
Written by Melissa Woods
“Excuse me… what job?”
Planning your wedding, of course.
“Oh. Right.”
And just like that, you’ve been handed a role you didn’t technically apply for… but are now fully responsible for.
No experience required.
No training provided.
But you will be expected to manage:
Budget.
Timelines.
Suppliers.
Emails.
Design decisions.
Logistics.
And approximately 472 micro-decisions you didn’t know existed until now.
The hours? Uncapped.
The pay? You’re the one funding it.
It Starts Off Feeling Exciting… Until It Doesn’t
At the beginning, it’s all good energy.
You’re engaged. Everyone’s excited. You’re excited. It feels like something big and meaningful is happening.
And then, quite quickly, it becomes… a lot.
I remember this shift so clearly.
What started as this really special moment slowly turned into spreadsheets, notes, timelines, and a running to-do list that never quite went away.
At the time, I was working long days in the city. Twelve hours, plus a commute either side.
And somehow, I’d also taken on the full responsibility of planning our wedding.
Not because anyone told me to.
It just… happened.
Ben was working too, but we fell into that very familiar dynamic where I became the one “handling the wedding”.
I don’t even think we questioned it.
The Bit No One Really Talks About
I don’t think I enjoyed being engaged as much as I could have.
And that feels like quite a big thing to say.
Because I loved our wedding.
It was everything I’d hoped it would be. Emotional, full of love, genuinely magical.
But it’s also over in a day.
The part you’re actually living in?
Is the lead-up.
And for me, that part became very task-heavy, very structured… and at times, quite overwhelming.
There wasn’t much space to just exist in it.
To feel excited without also thinking about what needed to be done next.
Why Wedding Planning Can Start to Feel Like Work
Because, honestly, it kind of is.
You’re making constant decisions.
You’re managing people.
You’re spending money.
You’re trying to get it “right”.
And all of that sits alongside your actual life, your actual job, your actual responsibilities.
So what starts as something joyful can slowly take on a different tone.
More pressure.
More expectation.
Less space.
And suddenly, you’re not just engaged.
You’re managing a project.
Even If You Get Help… There’s Still a Difference
Even if you hire a wedding planner — which can be an incredible support — there’s still a distinction that I don’t think gets spoken about enough.
There’s organising a wedding.
And then there’s actually experiencing being engaged.
They’re not the same thing.
Because being engaged isn’t just a phase where you plan something.
It’s a moment in your life.
And it deserves to feel like one.
The Part That Gets Lost
Being engaged should feel like:
A bit of a bubble.
A special time in your life where something bigger is happening.
But when everything becomes about logistics, that feeling can disappear quite quickly.
You move straight from:
“This is exciting”
To:
“What do we need to do next?”
You step into a version of wedding planning that’s been normalised for a long time.
And once you’re in it, it can feel like there’s only one way through. A checklist to follow. A pace to keep up with. An expectation of how it should all look, feel, and unfold.
But the truth is, there isn’t just one way to plan a wedding. And there isn’t just one way to experience being engaged.
Sometimes, what you actually need isn’t more information or more options. It’s the right environment. The right people. The kind of support that helps you reconnect with why you’re doing this in the first place.
That’s exactly why we created our wedding fairs and our directory.
Not to overwhelm you with endless choice, but to offer something more considered. Spaces where you can meet a small number of carefully selected suppliers who genuinely align with a more modern, intentional way of doing things. People who understand that this isn’t just about pulling off an event, it’s about creating something that feels like you.
Our wedding fairs are designed to feel easy, inspiring, and actually enjoyable to move through. No pressure. No chaos. Just a chance to have real conversations, gather ideas, and start shaping your plans in a way that feels grounded and exciting again.
And if you’d rather start from your sofa, our Book Of Love Directory brings that same curation online. A place to discover photographers, florists, venues and creatives who are there not just to deliver a service, but to collaborate with you on something meaningful.
Because planning your wedding shouldn’t mean losing the feeling of being engaged.
It should support it.
If you’re ready to approach things a little differently, you can explore our upcoming UK wedding fairs or dive into the directory and start discovering suppliers who might just change the way this all feels.